Already got asked if we're dating
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
