And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize