If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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