rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
