dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
