lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize