The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
