There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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