Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
