Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
