dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
