I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
