i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
