Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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