After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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