You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
