Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
