I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
