Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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