Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love you.
Bad choice
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
