96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
