in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
