my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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