He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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