i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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