so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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