Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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