Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
