I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
