Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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