The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
