Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
