just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
