I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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