His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize