I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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