just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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