You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize