And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
