I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
