apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
