Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
