Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize