Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
