Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
