I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
