True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
