I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
