Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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