I'm going to rape someone's good day.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
