Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
