Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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