I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
