I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
