It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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