You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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