It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
