So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Alive.
So much puke
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
