dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Drunk is a universal language darling
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
