i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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