I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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