first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We need a shit load of segways right now
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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