I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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