4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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