The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
