Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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