when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hippo gnu deer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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