You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
