Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
