mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
