Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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