My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize