i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
