I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
