Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
