Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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