you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
