He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
