He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
