Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
