I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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