i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
