How'd it feel making her break her religion?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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