weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
