all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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