And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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