Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
