What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize