i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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