Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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