mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
